Shirley Temple Denied

Hello all my little schnookems! I've missed you and let me first apologize for my absence. I was vacationing in the Canary Islands and missed a couple of episodes. I've got a radiant tan and a new cabana boy boyfriend, but I couldn't stop thinking about LC! On with the news. So for the past couple of episodes nothing jaw dropping or substantial has really happened at all...until this episode. We saw the return of scruffly old Jason at the end of last week's episode and were promised more this week. Oh and more we got! Now I've never been a huge Jason fan, but I've got to say I think maybe he has sewed his wild oats and finally returned to normalcy. It was totally obvs that Lauren still has the major love jones for senor Jason. She was telling anyone that would listen about her meeting back up with him for coffee. (BTW did she meet him right after rehab? Did I hear that correctly? Is that a little weird?) At first I thought that she really wanted to get back together with him, and he just wanted to be friends and atone for his past misgivings (I mean Yom Kippur is coming up people!). But he was super flirty with her right back.

It all started when they met at Ketchup (which actually sounds like a place I don't ever really want to eat) for dinner. Everything was going well. Lauren was using her little flirty voice and smiling more than I think I've ever seen her smile before. (She has thin lips I noticed more in that segment that never before. Just an observation.) And Jason was playing back-even though he totally checked out another girl. In an all too perfectly produced move, just as it looks like this faux date thingy was going off without a hitch, good ole Top Lip MaGee walks in with skinny pop wanna be Heidi. (ps Check this out if you get a chance. It's horrifyingly awesome!!!) He makes some a-hole comment about glad to see them back together again and he and Heidi sit down making dirty looks at them. I'm proud of my girl LC for keeping her cool and rising above. Heidi and Spencer, being the mature adults they are, send over a Shirley Temple in an overly 5th grade jab at Jason's drinking problem. Lame-o! Heidi is just 'baffled' at how Lauren can be speaking to Jason, her abusive, drug problemed, ex and she can't even talk to her. Oh Heidi, don't you remember the start of the season girl, 'YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID!' Lauren's never going to talk to you-ever! Heidi even insinuates something about making another 'tape.' At any rate LC and Jason leave as the Blondies scream obnoxious goodbyes behind them. (pathetico) As they drive home, I realized that Lauren was falling for him yet again and I screamed a heartfelt, "NOOOOOOOO!!!!" at the TV, expecting a rekindling of sorts. In a move that obviously meant that she denied her true feelings, Lauren got out of the car and left, simple as that. My happiness was to later be negated as she met Jason again for coffee and joked about going to the movies, and bowling, you know things only lame sober people do. And she also made the quintessential move that means I totally like you when she said with a smile and a playful giggle, "you're such a jerk." Ladies, is this not the equivalent of, "I'm yours forever, all you've got to do is ask?" I feel a heartbreak coming on, especially after seeing previews for next week...but I'll get to that in a second.

Although all of that was awesome, the absolute best part of last night's episode was my new hero ELODIE!!! After Heidi retold the story of how she and Spencer were just trying to be nice and send them a drink, you know to test the water (HA!) Elodie straight up calls her out. She said something to the effect of, "so what exactly did you do to make her not even want to accept a drink from you?" and, "weren't you friends with Audrina and Whitney too? What happened to that?" etc. And the best part was after she was done she said, "ok, well...I've got to finish this up so I'll see you later." BLAM-O!!! SA-LAM!!! Then cut to confused face Heidi. I think she's starting to realize that the number of Team Heidi members are dwindling quickly. You know before when I said that I thought it was all Spencer and Heidi was just innocent to it all, well I'm changing my tune. It may have started out that way, but Heidi is jumping on the evil bandwagon and riding into the sunset! All my requisite love for Heidi after this episode, and the video I saw of her earlier on TMZ has diminished.

Things to think about for next week: Previews-Jason gets engaged, wha? Did he meet this girl at rehab? Isn't part of the 12 steps to not get into a serious relationship for the next year? Uh, not that I'd know. Did someone from the Canary Islands contact you!?! I was there for a vacation, a vacation I tell you! Since when can't a girl enjoy a bottle or four of wine? Uh, moving on... Where was Audrina? Working on her oh so important relationships with Justin Dirty? How much do you love Elodie!!! I think my roommate Katy will now name her first born Elodie. Could there please be more Whitney? I'm memorized by the way she talks. "Cahl-ahhh-fohrn-yaa." Love it! Well kiddos, I'm glad to be back from my relaxing trip and back to the Hills! Let me know what you thought!

BBQ and Crested Butte

First things first: Seriously does 'he who must not be named' top lip ever moved? Did his dentist dad have it afixed? I know I've mentioned this before, sorry, but it really bothers me. So Heidi asked Spence to go with her to meet the fam. He reluctantly said yes, and it seems that he's totally freaked out. (It seems like this relationship is getting too real for him, yes?) Uh did they take a private plane? Small town, whatever, is a private plane really necessary? How exactly does Spencer have any income? At any rate the Heidi's seem to like him for some weird reason. Between you and me I think Heidi's pops is gettin wise to Spence's evil game as evidenced by their little mountainside chat. (Did you notice that the horses didn't even want to face him?) Let me just say that maybe I'm a 40 year old person but the Heidi's were saying some important things. Listen Up Heidi!!! I totally loved that they grilled him at dinner and he turned out to be an immature little kid. True colors Heidi-open your eyes! Why can everyone else but Heidi see it! How hilarious is it that Spencer had to sleep on the couch. Awesome.

While Top lip and Blondie are in the mountains familying it up, Brody is throwing a BBQ with all kinds of ladies and Mailbu fun. They are 'about to get their fitness on,' bt-dubs. While the fitness ensues, Brodie breaks himself! After what seems to be a 15 minute hospital trip, he comes back with x-rays and a badass cast. Come on ladies, who doesn't love a cast?...Looks like LC sure does...interesting. Is there love flaming yet again like the flames from the trash can on the beach side?

A bit later on the beach Lauren has a bit of a drunk cry, God love her, and Dreens is right there to cheer her up and remind her that she's got some great stuff going on despite losing Heidi. While Audrina and Justin dirty guy seemed to have hit it off in the waves earlier that day, when he left her helmet on the couch Dreens is out! Lauren then cheers her right up by pointing out what a D-bag he was all along.

Alert: My obsession with Lo has reached new heights. Hats are generally not a good idea, but dang it Lo! So cute! Girl can pull it off!

Questions: Are LC and Brodie getting back together? On the scenes from the next did Spence-o-rama seriously have a beard, cause ew? Is Audrina really done with Dirty Bobby?

Eat your Pinkberry and Enjoy Life!

He who must not be named never ceases to amaze. First of all was the atrociousness that was the Hollywood spray paint 'art mural' and now the arcade game? He is seriously something else. I did appreciate Heidi's quip of, "when is it going back?" Take back the control girl! Call me crazy but this episode made me hearken back to the days of Team Heidi just a lil bit.

So I've had the unfortunate opportunity to be the third wheel many times and let me just say I think Lauren's triple date with Audrina and Justin Bobby, aka JBob Hoodie Greaser, was by far the most awkward. If the burps alone weren't enough his blatant disregard for what Lauren's thoughts did the trick. Is it just me or does JBobbles have some sort of Eddie Vedder circa '91 thing going on? Quick note to Audrina:

"Hey girl, I know you don't gots all the smerts in the world, but have you seen yourself? You are two steps above cute, lady, and I think you can do way better than JBubs. I'm saying this as your friend. He's no gentleman Dreens. Be done with him! In the words of my roommate Leanne, 'ew he is so yuckie." So true Leannepants.

Did anyone notice that the second time they show Heidi and Spencer's apt there are magically two arcade games. When did this turn into Spencer's magical playhouse? Thank heavens that the white paint arrived, but poor Heidi that roller is as big as she is! Good for Heidi standing up for herself. I still have love for the girl, and the more I see makes me believe that the blond one has his hooks in her good.

Hooray Lo returns (for only one scene) and brings the fun! I also have the sneeking suspicion that if there were a Pinkberry in my vicinity I would be totally obsessed. I don't even really know what it is, but I think it's in the ice cream family, which means it's a part of my family.

Questions to ponder: Is Justin Bebbs in a band, I'm guessing yes. I'm also guessing that a crowd favorite is their version of Evenflow. Did you feel kinda like ole Spencenator was going to haul off and kick some tiny Heidi tail when the 'art' was destroyed? What's the deal with Whitney, she was only in 1 scene! More Whitney and Lo!!!! Alright peeps, hope you enjoyed this weeks episode and it holds you over until next week.